Thank you John, for the lovely toast to the bridesmaids, but more importantly, for throwing yourself
onto the sword before me. It is a truly noble and brave thing that you've done and I'm glad it was
you first!
You probably all know that as the best man, I've got quite a number of roles and obligations here
today, and by all appearances I must have done most of them correctly or we wouldn't all be sitting
here now listening to me prattle on, would we?
So a few words of support and encouragement for Jackie before I come to the good bits about
Johnny boy here.
I've known Jacqueline-Susan-Mary-Charnell (or J.S.M.C. as she likes to be called by her very
closest friends) for quite a number of years. Well not as many as John, but I suppose that's how its
meant to be isn't it? As such I've always held her in fairly high regard in spite of her varying
abilities to snow-mobile in the wilds of Canada.
But in addition to that, I've also enjoyed her quiet sense of sadistic humour, always putting John up
to something: him taking the blame, me suffering the consequences. The beautiful twinkle she gets
in her eye is isn't just her radiant beauty but more often another plot she's hatching! The smile is
also a dead giveaway.
Over the years she and John have visited me several times in Canada, and I her here in England, and
unfortunately she's always been on her best behaviour. John and I work very hard to encourage her
to let her hair down, but she's always been a proper lady, a true Charnell. Untold drinks and late
nights seem to have no effect on her composure. (Perhaps putting her sleep was the most we could
inflict) In some cultures this is an admirable quality, but perhaps a married life and change of name
will right that.
But, I can't rightly go on much further because it is her day after all, and I must resrain myself to
stay in her good graces, what about John?
Well the first thing to consider is whether he's made the right choices along the way here. I think
that John has indeed chosen well, as this famous tale illustrates:
So happily ever after is how we hope it will be, but what best man's speech would be complete
without a bit of dirt on the Groom.
Well I have it on good authority that he's always been a bit of a tinkerer and gadgeteer. I've been
away, so for those who know him, is this still the case?
His cousin Shauna from back home and who knew him since he was a young child, said he had a
fondness to dismantle things even at that young age. Apparently there are several appliances his
parents and Aunt Sheila have that never worked since John came by. In fact, even today, if he gets
too excited about fixing or "upgrading" something, they'd all yell out; "John, this isn't another
clock that needs fixing!"
So John and I go back some 22 years. And over that time we've shared many adventures. There are
some idiosyncrasies of his character that I've since become used to.
One example is that when we were both young and foolish I proposed at Chistmas that perhaps in
the spring we should venture across the pond and tour about Europe. He said that sounded like fun,
but wasn't so sure when May came and I said, "Put up your money, we're heading to Europe for
three weeks!".
Well we flew over her (John's first time outside the continent) and motored through much of
Germany, Luxembourg, France, and Italy, finally arriving in Switzerland. John did all the driving as
he had owned a car and was more experienced than I, so that was fine. But after zooming about on
the twisty bits in the Alps, I wanted a go at it, and this is when his stubborn streak (that I believe
Jackie has some familiarity) crept in. You see he refused to let me drive in spite of my insistences.
Well finally, when we're climbing a narrow cart path on the face of some cliff in Switzerland, my
tenacity finally wore him down. At that point, perched at a 45 degree angle, he stops the car, sets the
break and climbs out the side!
Well, my punishment for my persistence was to try and get the car going without rolling backwards
off the edge, while he said nothing. As you can imagine, I just barely made it.
But don't be disheartened, there was another more positive example of John's determination. This
occurred when he, myself and cousin Bradley ventured out for a road trip to the nearest big city. It
is some 3 hours away and we left with a full tank of petrol for the return trip. Well we made it there,
but as we got closer to home and the gas guage hovered near empty on his Ford Fiesta, John figured
we'd make it and not to worry. Brad and I were not so sure, but John at the wheel pressed on.
Closer and closer we got, and lower and lower the gauge fell. Finally as we rounded the bend
heading into town the car began to sputter, and our hearts leapt into our throats.
Hesitantly, down the hill we drove, and on the last stretch into town the car finally coughed and
died.
Without a thimblefull of fuel left in the tank, we had rolled to a complete stop right in front of the
town Petrol Station. "See, I told you we'd make it!"; says John, as we pushed the car to the pump.
Well John, yes we have indeed made it!
With Jackie wondering if you'd propose or leave. Me wondering if you'd ever pull your finger out after all the years you two have been together, you have in fact made it once again and I congratulate you heartily!
On such a note, it is my privilege and obligation to mention the people that wished they could have
been here to also celebrate your wedding.
I have here a fax from your parents (whom I think, still approve).
[ John's parents' fax ] (not available)
I also bring the well-wishes from others from far away:
Aunty Pam Charnell, also Jenny & Steven, Kate & Pete, Vicki and Bobby, Uncle Heinz and Aunt Sheila,
plus Doug, Susan, Hailey & Tai, and Shauna & Mark and Nigel, Nancy, Katie and Cameron
And lastly a poem from my mother which I will read now:
[ Donna Bach's Poem ] (not available)
So in conclusion, and in spite of criticism to the contrary, I would like very much for all to rise for a
toast to John and Jackie's happiness.
Ladies and Gentlemen, to the Bride and Groom!
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